A Hollywood Star Now Comes Free With Every Tinie Tempah Collaboration

I haven’t had a rant since I waxed lyrical about the preposterous state of rap but I feel the time is upon us to scythe and  belligerently dissect the conveyor belt of irrelevance that is emanating from Jay-Z’s or David Guetta’s pop factory somewhere.

I’d heard the name Rita Ora bandied about for a while. She is going to be the next big thing etc. and I finally had the chance(that’s not said with bated breath) to catch her on Jools Holland and a few things immediately sprang to mind. I knew Rihanna was sporting a blonde hair-do but I didn’t know her skin tone had gone so pale. Then I realised that it wasn’t in-fact the sultry Ms Fenty but a white version trying her best to come across as her. Mock accent and slutty moves included.

After realising we weren’t dealing with Rihanna I thought maybe this is Gwen Stefani with a face job. I know the 47 year-old fish dog, as Family Guy put it, has been quiet of late so a return to the charts is inevitable at some point. The song at this stage was nearly over so it dawned on me that the performer of R.I.P. is neither of the previously mentioned females and the name on the screen pops up and lo and behold it’s Rita Ora.

A quick Wikipedia search informs me that Rita Ora is signed to Jay-Z’s Roc Nation label. Whatever respect I had for Shawn Carter just evaporates with each Umbrella production or conveyor belt pop star creation. Apparently Ora credits Gwen Stefani as her idol and biggest influence, saying in an interview “Do you know how much I love that woman? I love everything about her.”

It irks me that people cannot see through this. What is original about Rita Ora? Nothing really so why would you buy and subscribe to her music just because Jay-Z and MTV have forced it upon you?

A: She’s the epitome of every copied pop cliché

B: Her entire vocal sounds ridiculously like Rihanna whilst openly looking like a Gwen Stefani clone

C: She uses Tinie Tempah(who hasn’t?) to get her foot in the door and make us all pay attention

D: Will.I.Am, Ester Dean, Drake, The-Dream, Kanye West and Stargate are all working on her album

For years it was Max Martin who was the go-to guy when you wanted a single. Now it’s Will.I.Am, Kanye West or David Guetta. It seems like we’ve openly cultivated a culture where it’s fully acceptable for someone to contribute nothing but a bog standard vocal over someone else’s track.

For example,  “R.I.P” was written by Drake and produced by Chase & Status. So all Rita Ora needs to do is turn up and sing when she’s told to, which will most likely be the trend for her entire album. I’ve been saying this for years but aside from the big voices a la Whitney and Mariah, the vast majority of signers are average and wouldn’t have a career if it wasn’t for the actual abilities of the writers and producers.

Not that what’s being written or produced is worth talking about for the most part but at least they’re making something happen.

The massive boom of this occurrence was the dawning of Stock/Aitken/Waterman. Kylie’s whole career was built by these three guys yet she’s revered and celebrated like she’s some kind of musical revolutionary. She’s not even that good a singer. She just has the right producers and enough sex appeal to justify a record label paying for the best songs.

As it’s moved on from the 80’s we regrettably moved into the X-Factor generation which in my mind is the greatest ever travesty in the music business. My opinion was vindicated when I happened to stumble upon(I wish I’d trodden upon the master copy)Marcus Collins’ début album.

Much to my surprise Marcus took on the task of covering Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes. A track that was just crying out to be covered by a gay, former hairdresser from Liverpool. The ironic part of him covering this track is the lyric of the first verse:

”Taking their time right behind my back”

I’d say they are Marcus and I doubt you’re too adverse to it either. Aside from that the cover of this song is a stinking pile of redundant crap that serves no purpose other than to appease the morons that haven’t got the capacity to think for themselves about music, what’s presented to them or the purpose it’s supposed to serve.