I can tell you exactly why your album sales have plummeted Ms Ciccone; it’s because your music is utterly disposable pop rubbish and you’re old enough to be my granny. You should realise both of the above points, quit the studio and dress accordingly.

Your daughter is smoking, you’re not. Go do some parenting.

Also, as good a gimmick as packaging  the album with ticket sales on Ticketmaster is, only older women, gay guys and dragged along partners of the older women buy tickets to your shows and most of them just want to hear the classics.

I can admit that at one time however, your 1980’s music was good enough to top the charts and those songs have lasted the test of time, but now it’s just painful.

”L-U-V Madonna, Y-O-U you wanna”

Honestly, I don’t wanna. I’d be more interested in pointing my L-U-V towards Nicki Minaj or M.I.A. and that’s the whole point.

You WERE hot and a quick look at the car park scene in Body Of Evidence re-affirms this, but it’s all in the past. As much as you like to dress in hot-pants and boots and refer to yourself as a ”different kind of girl”, it’s just repulsing rather than re-invigorating.

If you have something vintage, like an old car, you leave it locked away and only take it out occasionally. I imagine that’s what most people do with the Immaculate Collection.

You don’t leave it parked beside a Veyron or something flashy like a Rihanna CD because it won’t look as good to the majority and it doesn’t go as fast. In essence everyone will want to drive the faster motor.

That is a metaphor for where you are in life Madonna so pay heed.  Don’t put young, hot, better looking women in the video with you because it highlights even further just how dated and irrelevant you are.

”Every record sounds the same, you’ve got to step into my world”

We’ve been in there for the last I don’t know how many years and every one of your desperate to sound up to date records does sound the same. It’s time to bow out gracefully and let the kids take over.

As you once sang ”There’s no greater power than the power of goodbye”.

Do us all a favour and pay heed to your (own) lyrics.